When it comes to relationships there is one topic that above any other, and whilst men and women are free to talk about sex, it does not stir the same emotions as cheating, we will have to look at the ethics of such actions as well as pros and cons. Middle life crisis in men especially is the stage where after a certain time in a relationship one begins to wonder in the direction of pretty available females or even pretty unavailable females. This article looks at a men's perspective.
What motivates you to think of cheating?
Okay let's imagine the following scenario after an "n" number of years a happily married couple is going through some problems. The problems might be clear or unclear but it is unlikely for a couple not to experience some kind of problems. Routine does get to people, having too much of something or someone wears down the gears of emotions, passion and unity. On the other hand perhaps it makes them stronger and able to withstand much. Regardless of your family situation currently, what you have is a lot. A lot of people dream of having it that good. That's right. To want to cheat exposes a lot of things about yourself.
There are of course different couples, some are more liberal some are more conservative and as a couple they react and respond differently to cheating. Whilst the individual responses, motivations and the emotions involved in cheating are different there are overall some similarities. The key is to come to terms with some general things and remember a few rules for cheating. Splitting up will be covered in a different topic.
What could be the reasons for cheating?
Libido problems, one might want to prove that he is still a man, able and credible.
Lack of sexual satisfaction in your current relationship. Sexual incompatibility.
Loss of attraction as the partner is not as attractive as once used to be, then again you are not likely to be a spring chicken either.
Urge to experience new sensations with a new person.
Lack of accomplishment recently, maybe sexual endeavours will grant more self-respect. Or less.
There may be a need to change life altogether.
Cheating arguably uncovers disloyalty and disrespect. Most people consider cheating to be an act of betrayal regardless of motivations. Are you ready for it?
1. Planning and preparations
People are unpredictable, and the number of things that could go wrong in terms of cheating number in millions. It is hard to cover them all but the majority can be divided and some things should be considered. The worst thing a man can do is to go for it without thinking, same applies for women. Thinking is a gift that is scarcely used in relationships. You don't want to hurt anyone so be careful.
2. Being discrete
Overall it is of massive importance to be discrete, even telling your close male friends about it is not a a good idea. Their reaction is likely to be negative, but even if they rarely see your partner things might be gathered from their reactions and it is better to be completely discrete about affairs. After all you are not doing it for vanity, which is a silly reason to cheat for. Your reasons are for you to keep.
One of the examples where being discrete is nigh impossible is to cheat with co-workers or at work!!!
Most cheating takes place at work or with co-workers. Unless you shag for money, as a rule of thumb you shouldn't cheat with co-workers, first of all it is unprofessional. Second of all, out of all the things to do in middle life or during a middle life crisis, opportunities will present to act discretely and off the record. One must hang on to professionalism and losing it does not help authority regardless of the benefits that flirting with a pretty co-worker brings. Remember Bill Clinton, frankly regardless of how much a woman can give, even in the Oval Office, it isn't wise to do it at work. Bill has never really recovered from the embarrassment and damage that it caused to his political career. In some countries of course it is different. Silvio Berlusconi, former PM of Italy, has become a butt of jokes outside his country for his affairs but most cultures would not allow such a thing to go unnoticed (it is worth mentioning that Berlusconi controls most of the media in Italy). Even at an average office, gossip tend to travel faster than facts. So be careful, you have been warned!
3. Knowing when to stop when cheating
Some affairs last for a long time, sooner or later they get discovered so don't do it. Even if you are discrete, you might get discovered and then your life changes drastically. Then you are facing a real middle life crisis. So know a way out. No strings attached. The longer the affairs goes on for, the harder it is to escape.
4. Use protection when cheating
Condoms. Get them, use them. Some condoms like SKYN are a bit more expensive but induce a rather natural feeling whilst giving protection.
5. Cover your tracks
Especially at work, take your condoms with you and bin them somewhere neutral. This may sound overcautious but in fact very wise. Delete message and call history from your phone. Sent messages as well as received messages and drafts. Change your shirt before coming back home. If you took a shower before coming back check that your hair is dry. Ask yourself - are you coming back looking the same as you left? Be wary of what you have in your pockets and what receipts you have in your wallet. Always pay by cash, on a hint of suspicion your partner is likely to go through your things, like your diary, your phone, your pockets and your computer.
6. Internet and social networking when cheating
It is unwise to have your object of desire amongst friends on whatever social network that you use. If you do, be sure to delete all message history, in fact it is best to avoid internet and technology altogether when communicating. It all leaves traces.
When you are caught cheating
Your partner welcomes you one day from work or your little thrilling encounter and from the moment you walk into house, you feel the weight of her eyes on you. Best thing is to ask casually what is wrong. First thing is to call bluff. Suspicion is often based on intuition and intuition is basically based on absolutely nothing. No evidence, no recordings and no danger. You are more likely to be believed than anyone else so rubbish all the suspicions, go play videogames and generally behave ordinarily. If there is evidence, do the same but with more conviction. If you cannot rubbish the evidence and you are evidently caught - accept it, you were wrong.
Tell us of your experiences of cheating and how it worked out.